Touching Remus Lupin
by Warriorbride
Summary: The first time I touched Remus Lupin he was asleep. Please let me know what you think and if I should write more.
1. Chapter 1

Touching Remus Lupin

The first time I touched Remus Lupin he was asleep. To anyone who knows him knows how important this little fact is. It is a little known fact however that Remus Lupin loves to be touched he's just not used to it. I admire that way firelight catches his golden hair and casts forgiving shadows on his face as I walk towards him. He's asleep in his favorite chair by the fire. I had never dreamt that this opportunity would present itself to me or that I would ever be brave enough to seize it but here I am standing next to his chair. When he does not stir I kneel down next to his chair and look up at the face that entrances me if I allow myself the pleasure of looking at it for too long. My hand trembles a little as I raise it to his face. I run the tips of my fingers along his chin, all the while watching him to see if he stirred. I wasn't sure how I was going to explain myself if he caught me kneeling next to his chair with my hand on his face. None of that seems to matter however as I allow my fingers to trace his jawline to his cheekbone. There is a scar there and my fingers are drawn to it. As I stroke it he shifts in his sleep but I don't, can't remove my hand. I ghost my fingertips over his temple to his forehead, sweeping away some of the golden hair from his brow. As I stroke his forehead the creases on it seem to disappear and he sighs a little in his sleep. I wonder what he looked like as a child. If he always looked as if he'd had the weight of the world on his shoulders or if that came with his bite. I draw little circles as I move down his temple and onto his cheek. I realize quite belatedly that anyone could walk into this room at any moment and I wonder for a moment what people would say if they found me here but the siren call of his lips is too much to resist. You see Remus Lupin's skin has been calling to me since I first laid eyes on him, teasing me during the day and keeping me awake at night. It begs to be touched by me. I feather my fingers over his lips and they part a little so I can feel his breath on my fingers it makes me shiver with desire. I wonder if I should continue and the skin on his neck beckons me. I can see his pulse and am struck by the thought that it seems to be beating a little faster than it should. I look back up at his face, hoping I don't see him looking back at me. Suddenly the knowledge of what I'm doing sinks into me and I force myself to stand and leave him to his slumber. I walk away and out the door, my fingers still tingling from his breath and his skin, and I feel as if my world has caved in around me. The only thing I'm sure of is that can't be the last time I touch Remus Lupin.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Hope you enjoy the second installment. I tried to do this one a little differently. More paragraphs. 

Touching Remus Lupin

Encounter Two

The room was dark when I padded into it. As I stepped through the doorway he was shifting in his chair and rubbing his eyes.

"You're going to go blind if you read in the dark." I leaned against the wall and looked at him.

He glanced up at me with a sad smile. "I hope I didn't wake you."

"Not at all." I lied. If I could only tell him about all the sleepless nights I had because of him. "Headache?"

He shrugged and nodded. "No, just a little tired."

"Liar." I walked around the table and he looked warily at me. I had always received the impression that he was just a little bit afraid, unsure of what I was capable of. He started slightly as I placed my hands on his shoulders. "Just relax."

He shifted in the chair again. "I don't know if that will help anything."

"It will." I sounded much more confident than I felt as I began to kneed his shoulders. "Take off your sweater." I saw him stiffen just slightly. "How are you going to benefit from my ministrations through that thick sweater?" He shrugged off his sweater and I leaned closer to him before placing my hands back on his shoulders. I could feel the heat that was Remus Lupin now, coursing through the thin fabric of his shirt and into my fingers. I splayed my fingers over his upper back and used my thumbs to rub into his muscle. I could feel his sinewy body under his shirt and the knowledge made my heart skip a beat. His shirt had moved, exposing a little of his neck, and since I couldn't put my lips there I settled for my fingers.

When I allowed my fingers to travel to his hairline he shifted. "You're going to put me to sleep, if you continue that." He didn't sound like someone ready to sleep so I continued, almost daring him to move away.

"I promise this will get rid of your headache." I meant to speak confidently, but my voice came out sounding like a whisper. I longed to touch his ears and I feathered my fingers onto the side of his neck, allowing my hand to casually brush the lobes. I tried not to notice that his hands were clenching and releasing. "Relax." I spoke almost as much to myself as to him. I allowed my hands to fall onto his shoulders and pondered my next move. I knew what I wanted to do but wasn't sure if I was brave enough.

"Right." He cleared his throat and shifted.

I ghosted my fingertips up his neck and plunged into his hair. I felt him take a surprised breath but he didn't pull away. His hair was like silk, just as I always knew it would be. I watched the honey gold and gray as it moved through my fingers. I massaged his scalp with my fingertips. The room was silent except for the sound of our breathing but the air around me seemed to be humming. I swear I could hear his hair running between and under my fingers and I wondered if he could hear my heartbeat. I closed my eyes and allowed the sensations of touching Remus Lupin to overcome me.

Neither of us heard them before they were there.

"George if we." Fred stopped with an audible gulp as he took in the little scene. "Sorry,"

George noticed his brother's discomfort. "We needed a drink." He walked to the sink quickly. "We'll be out of your way in a moment."

"No need to rush." Remus stood, gathering up his sweater and laying it over his folded arm. "I was just going to bed." He glanced at both of them and flicked the quickest of glances at me. "Thank you." The air was still humming in my ears. "Good night."

I counted to ten before I walked out. My second experience touching Remus Lupin had definitely been worth the wait.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. I think I'll allow you all to guess for a bit longer. I hope you enjoy this one. Sorry it took me so long to write it. My computer's been on the fritz.

Touching Remus Lupin

Encounter Three

Remus Lupin smiled at me, it was a hazy, lopsided sort of smile, as if he wasn't sure where he was or what he was doing.

Truth be told he didn't know where he was and I wondered if he knew what he was doing. I had gaped in surprise when he walked into the library, well stumbled really, announced that he was slightly intoxicated and collapsed onto the sofa where I had been reading. I say been reading because he then began to talk and some of the things he was saying made it impossible for me to think of anything else.

"Tonight is a night that makes me wonder what life could be like if things were different." He announced in the same matter of fact way he used when he proclaimed his intoxication.

I closed my book and looked at him, immediately wishing I hadn't. His hair was dishelved and he didn't look as if he'd shaved that morning. His eyes were glittering with drink and something I couldn't quite place and he was looking at me as if I was the only person in the entire world. "Different in what way?"

"In every way you can conceive." He leaned towards me for a moment and then back. "Different circumstances, different time, different place." He stood unsteadily and walked to the cabinet. I was somewhat relieved when he poured himself a glass of water. "Would you like some?" He spoke without looking at me.

"Yes please." I was sure he wasn't done speaking.

"If I were different." He continued without turning. He finished his first glass of water in a single gulp and poured another before walking over and handing me mine. "What if I were different?" He looked intently at me for a moment before taking another drink and turning to place it on the table. "I've often wondered what my life would be like if I had never been bitten. If I would be different somehow."

I swallowed and tried to meet his eye. "I'm glad you're not different." I paused for a moment as his face took on a strange look. "I mean besides the turning into a werewolf thing I quite like you the way you are."

He completely surprised me then by laughing, not the usual chuckle that showed he was amused but a huge laugh that changed his face and made his entire body shake. I laughed with him until he leaned back against the back of the couch and looked at me. "Don't you think that the turning into a werewolf thing makes me the man I am today?" I couldn't tell it he was making fun of me or not.

"Not as much as you do apparently." I felt a little more confident now but was unsure why. "I think that you believe that it makes you less than a man." I leaned forward and put the book I was reading down on the coffee table.

He took the pillow from behind him and in one motion laid it on my lap with his head on it. "I've a bit of a headache." His eyes were closed. He opened one. "Do you mind?" Not trusting my voice I nodded and he closed his eyes again. "You must admit I am less than human." He continued as if nothing unusual had happened.

"More than human." I closed my eyes to distract myself from the fact that he looked beautiful against the dark green of the pillow.

He nodded on the pillow. "I can't understand how you think so." He rubbed his eyes. "I can't believe I'm talking to you like this." I watched as his hand moved to his forehead. I was just beginning to relax when he opened one eye and gazed apprehensively at me. "Can I request a favor?" I nodded again, know that whatever he asked I would do. "Do you remember that night that you massaged my shoulders?" He fell silent as I ran my fingers through his hair, caressing his scalp with my fingertips.

My fingers trailed over familiar territory as they stroked his scalp. I moved my hand under his head and he arched his neck so the base of his skull was accessible. I looked at his neck as I allowed my thumbs to draw circles around his head. I moved my hands to his temples and used my index finger to outline them. He sighed a little as I moved closer to his ears and taking that as a good sign I ghosted my fingertips over the curve of his ear. When I rubbed his earlobe gently between my fingers he shifted but did not open his eyes. I ran my fingers from below his ear to his forehead where I traced circles and then followed the bridge of his nose to the tip and then around his eyes again to his browbone.

I stopped when he opened his eyes. "I had a dream that someone was stroking my face." His face gave away nothing as he spoke and I wished I could have been confident that mine did the same. "It was the first time I'd ever dreamt about something like that." He didn't look away as he continued, although I could barely look at him. "I was surprised at how comforting it was then."

"And now." The words completely bypassed the 'perhaps you shouldn't ask' part of my brain and spilled out of my mouth.

He glanced at me for a moment before turning his head into one of my hands, which had rested near him on the pillow. "It feels different." He closed his eyes as I began running my thumbs along his cheekbone. "It feels good."

"It's supposed to relax you." I spoke and cursed the fact that my voice was shaking but I continued caressing his face. The fire in the grate crackled as I feathered my fingertips over his skin. It felt both strange and familiar and I amazed that the sensation of his stubble against my fingertips. I outlined his lips and followed his chin to his neck, trying to ignore the hitch in his breathing as I touched the delicate skin of his neck. I could feel his pulse speed up as I explored his neck with my fingertips. I felt like I couldn't quite catch my breath and the air around me was humming again. There was a jagged scar where his collarbone met his neck and I allowed my fingers to wander to it. As I caressed it I felt his entire body stiffen and it was with some apprehension that I looked down at him. His eyes were open and he was looking at me with an expression somewhere between anger and fear but I couldn't decide which was stronger. "Sorry." I moved my hands back to his hair and he relaxed again. I could feel his breathing began to even out. I began to relax as well and allowed myself to once again become lost in the feeling of his hair running through my fingers and the steadiness of his breathing.

"Have you ever been in love?" I started although he spoke so softly I almost didn't hear him. He sounded as if he was talking in his sleep. I glanced down at him wondering what to say trying to figure out he was asleep or awake. "Have you?" He asked again, still without opening his eyes.

I swallowed my fear. "Yes."

He smiled then, a sleepy sort of smile and shifted his body so he his head was on the pillow but the back was resting against my stomach.

When I woke the next morning he was gone. I rubbed the back of my neck trying to work out the stitch that had developed from sleeping sitting up. I wondered if he remembered some of the things that he'd said to me the night before and knew I would never forget.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to all who reviewed. I appreciate your comments. Again not sure if I'm going to tell you who it is that is touching Remus Lupin only that this time he does a little touching of his own. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think.

Touching Remus Lupin

Encounter Four

I walked down the stairs and noticed that the library room light was on. So this is where he went, I thought as I paused at the door, unsure if I should go in or not. I took a deep breath and opened the door. A wave of cold air hit me and I gasped at both the air and the sight before me.

Remus Lupin stood next to an open window, hair blowing in the wind and his shirt unbuttoned to the middle of his chest. His face was pink from the air and he looked quite wild.

"Remus are you alright?" I paused at the door, taking in the scene, and trying to catch my breath.

Remus didn't look at me when he spoke. "I'm well, just restless. This house seems stifling tonight."

"Yes." I couldn't say anymore as I moved towards him. "Are you sure you're not ill. No fever?" I was level with him now and was about to stretch out my hand when he moved away from me. I was afraid of this. He'd been avoiding me since the night we'd fallen asleep in this room, my hands in his hair.

He didn't move far and began to button up his shirt. "I'm quite well. I promise."

I wanted to seize his hands to stop him and then run mine over the plains of his chest but I moved away from him instead.

"Why aren't you in bed?" He watched me as I walked past him to the closest bookcase and began fingering the book spines. I didn't feel like reading but I didn't want to leave, I didn't think I could.

My mind raced as I gazed at book titles that I wasn't reading. "I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd read." I lied. In truth, I'd heard him leave his room and not return. The temptation of being alone with him again was more than I could resist.

I could feel his eyes on me as I took a book and sat on the couch.

"I thought you were going back to bed." His voice sounded strange and I glanced at him in surprise.

I continued to pretend I was reading. "I think I'll stay down here for a bit." I tried my most innocent smile on him and he blinked. "You don't mind do you?"

"Isn't it a bit cold down here for you?" He leaned against the wall next to the window and gazed fixedly at me.

I motioned to the blanket that someone had placed on the back of the couch. "I'm fine right now, but if I get cold there's a blanket." I tried my innocent smile again and he was no more responsive. "Could I bother you to get me a drink? I'm parched."

"Certainly." He walked to the sideboard and poured a glass of water. He paused for a few moments with his back to me and then handed me my drink.

I glanced up at him as he loomed over me for a second too long. "Are you sure you're OK?"

"I'm just having a little trouble settling down." He walked to the chair and stood behind it rather than sitting. "That can happen close to the full moon."

I put my book down and turned my full attention on him. "Two days." He nodded mutely not looking away from me. "Are you afraid?"

"Not afraid." He paused looking down at the diamond pattern on the fabric and frowned. "It's not something I look forward to." He glanced at me again. "I'm just easily distracted lately."

I stood to refill my glass. I glanced at him and noticed that he'd moved around the chair and was watching me closely. I was constantly surprised how silently he could move. "By what?"

"What?" He walked towards me around the couch.

I faced him but didn't move. "What are you distracted by?" I watched as he shifted and noticed that he was clenching and unclenching his fists again. "Would you like a drink?"

"Yes I would." He didn't smile or move towards me only watched me as I poured a tumbler full of water and walked towards him. "Thank you." He clenched the glass like it was a lifeline.

I moved back towards the sideboard again draining my glass and refilling it. He looked as if he was rooted to the spot, of course that spot was considerably closer than he'd been when I'd turned away from him. "You were about to tell me what you were so distracted by." I prodded him.

He shifted again and looked at his glass as if he held the secrets of the world within its depths. "It's not important." He spoke so quietly I had to strain to hear him. "It's not me."

"What's not you?" I wasn't about to let him tune out on me.

He looked at me and I couldn't read the look but it sent shivers down my spine. "It's not me." I must have looked confused. "Sometimes." He paused as if unsure what to say next. "When the full moon is near I have impulses to do things that I shouldn't."

"What kind of impulses?" I didn't move. I wasn't sure if I could. His eyes seemed to be pinning me to the spot.

A little noise escaped from him. I wasn't sure but it sounded suspiciously like a growl. "It's nothing."

"Are they likely to hurt anyone?" I watched him. I could feel the heat radiating off his body and felt my pulse speed up.

He glanced up at me and I wondered if he could hear my heartbeat. "I don't know."  
"Well knowing you it's not likely." I knew I sounded a little breathless but I couldn't seem to steady myself.

He frowned at his glass again. "As I said, these impulses aren't things I would normally do."

"I wonder." I inched toward him. "If you could pick just one of them to do." He glanced up at me again and I stopped dead, the look in his eyes seemed to set my body on fire. Either I felt a little fireproof or maybe it was the fact that I wasn't afraid of being burned. "One that wouldn't hurt anyone." I swallowed. "And go ahead and do it." I drained my water again and noticed my hand was shaking just slightly. "I wonder if it would make the other impulses manageable."

He swallowed hard and gazed at the floor. "I am managing them very well."  
"Do you want to manage them all?" I wondered aloud.

I could almost hear his head snap as he looked up at me. I could hear the air humming again as he gazed at me, his expression full of question and intent. Then he was moving, and all the doubts I had raged through my brain but only for the briefest of moments. I heard his tumbler hit the floor with a crash and then I was pressed against the bookcase and his face was inches from my own. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." I barely spoke the words when he crushed my mouth beneath his. I gasped and he plunged his tongue between my lips, exploring every crevice of my mouth. All I could hear was humming and the sound of my own heart beating so hard I thought it would burst out of my chest. Remus tasted like cinnamon and black tea, just as I'd imagined he would. The kiss wasn't gentle, it was searing and I had never been more possessed by another human being as I was at that moment. I allowed my hands to creep around his waist and under the hem of his shirt. I could feel the muscles in his back moving as he ran his fingers through my hair. I ran my fingertips down his spine and he moaned, deepening the kiss, and I allowed myself to get lost in the sensations of his body against mine. He moved his lips to my neck and began to nibble softly. "Remus."

The word seemed to break the spell and he pushed away from me. "This shouldn't be happening." His breathing was ragged as he stepped away.

"Why?" I wanted to sob as I saw him trying to reassemble his control.

He looked at me for a moment and then closed his eyes as if what he saw broke him. "Because it's not right." He walked to the other side of the room and paused, his hand on the doorknob. " I shouldn't." His voice broke. "I should have made you leave."

"I wouldn't have gone." I spoke raggedly and wasn't sure my legs would hold me more than a few seconds more.

He opened the door. "I know."

I wanted to run after him as he closed the door and I heard the creak of the stairs as he ascended them but my feet wouldn't move. I allowed myself to slide down the bookcase and buried my head in my hands. I could still feel his body shifting against mine and knew he'd branded me.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks to everyone who wrote reviews. I'm planning a story with these as the bones, I promise in the next encounter you'll find out who it is.

Touching Remus Lupin

Encounter Five

I woke to a splitting headache. I listened to what was going on around me before I opened my eyes. There was someone else in the room but I wasn't sure whom. I shifted slightly and opened my eyes.

Had I know what wonderful sight awaited me I would have opened my eyes much sooner. Remus Lupin stood at the foot of my bed looking worriedly at me.

"You're awake." He stated quite plainly but his eyes seemed filled with doubt and concern. His entire body was still as if he was a tightly coiled spring on the verge of exploding.

I smiled. I wasn't sure I could use my voice, I had no idea how long it'd been since I had used it. Without a sound Remus handed me a glass of water. His movements were stiff and I wondered if he had been hurt. I took a huge gulp of water and almost choked as my parched throat tried to swallow. "Are you hurt?" The words were out before I could stop them.

"Am I?" Remus began with a horrible kind of laughter. "Do you know?" He started again before running his hair though his hair with an odd sort of violence. "I can't." He turned and walked away from me towards the window and looked into the gathering evening. I had the impression he was holding a silent conversation with himself, not by anything so obvious as mumbling, but he had his head turned as if listening to something I could not hear. His eyes came open and when he spoke he sounded much calmer. "How much do you remember?"

I closed my eyes and tried to remember. The images that flew to my mind's eye weren't ones I wanted to remember Remus on the ground, Bella standing over him with her wand in her hand. Remus was still, so very still I thought he was already dead. Bella hadn't seen me, or if she had my identity didn't register with her, because she moved a bit too slow. I had sent her flying with a well-placed "Expelliarmus." I wasn't even aware someone could fly that far without being on a broom. I had been kneeling over Remus when I heard a noise behind me and turned just a moment too late. When I opened my eyes Remus was looming over me, watching me intently. "I thought you were dead."

"I would have been." He spoke as if his own death meant nothing to him. "What were you doing there?"

I couldn't speak. There was a part of me that wanted to tell him the truth, that I had followed him there, that somehow I knew tonight's meeting was a trap, but I couldn't. Another part of me wanted to tell him that I had been sent to help him, but a few questions would expose that as a lie. Neither part of me could decide what to tell him and what was worse my brain seemed to have temporarily shut down at the sight of his worried, slightly irritated look as he watched me. I shrugged.

"You could have been killed." Remus took a slightly ragged breath. "I thought you had been." He glanced at me. "Had Kingsley not been there as my backup." He practically fell into his chair and passed his hands over his face.

I felt sadness overwhelm me for a moment and was horrified at the thought that I would break down and cry. I looked away from him for a moment but all I could see was him, lying on the ground and it felt as if my heart was breaking. "I thought you were dead." I whispered. I heard him shift in the chair. "You were lying on the ground, so still, it looked as if you were never going to move again." I cursed my voice as it cracked. I felt something running down my cheeks and realized that although I could hold back the sobs the tears had a mind of their own. I closed my eyes in a vain attempt to keep them in. I didn't open them when I felt a weight settle on the edge of my bed or when I felt strong hands on my shoulders. I didn't open my eyes as the man I loved gathered me into his arms and held me as I cried for the first time in as long as I could recall. He didn't rock me or try and soothe me with words, he just held me against his chest. I could feel the erratic rhythm of his heart as it beat against my palm.

"I'm not dead." He held me away from him after I had stopped crying. "I'm here." He wiped a stray tear off my cheek and the surprise on his face made it seem as if his hand had moved of it's own volition. He laid me back gently onto the pillows and smiled at me. "You should be sleeping." He stood and made to leave.

I grabbed his hand. "Please." He looked down at our joined hands as if I was burning him. "Don't."

He didn't speak, only seated himself in the chair again. I realized as he sat that I hadn't released his hand and I didn't think I could now. His closeness was like a lifeline to me. I wondered if he realized that he had begun to move his thumb in circles over the top of my hand. I was only barely awake when he ran his hand over my head and still think I was dreaming when he placed the softest of kisses on my forehead and whispered, "I'll always be here."


End file.
